I haven't been to a funeral since I was a child. Since my grandma and my great grandma. I remember being so scared when it was an open casket. Thankfully, tomorrow it won't be. Another Uncle of mine has died this year. First it was Uncle Keith... now it's my great uncle Wally. It hasn't really hit me yet. I haven't cried. Which is odd, I am usually the one who cries about everything. It scares me that I haven't really cried much about his passing. I mean, I knew he was really sick.. and he looked so fragile last time I saw him... But shouldn't I be more upset. Did I really drift that far away from my family? I remember the family being so close when I was young. When we would all gather for Christmas dinner at Aunt Lorraine and Uncle Wally's house. Back when great grandpa and great grandma were alive. When I didn't know family drama. Sometimes, I wish to go back to being the naive child I once was.
When will it hit me? If it was anyone else would I cry right away? As it stands, I personally don't feel I could lose my other family members without falling to complete pieces.. Like I cannot imagine losing my mom, my dad, my aunty velma, my uncle nello, or my cousins: Tianna and Chris... like I would be devastated to lose any of them. So why am I not devestated about Uncle Wally?
Tomorrow, I hope for the rain, and not the sunshine.
