It's new years eve and I just got home from work. Buses were all crowded full of rowdy and drunk people heading to parties or downtown.. Groups of friends all together. I felt alone. Tony's at work so I am ringing in the new year alone.
I was debating on drinking but I don't want to be that person who drinks alone... especially after that one time I did. The mourning of AKA House... I was the last person in the house and it was so empty that I just drank all day... Geoffrey luckily saved me... I wonder sometimes, if he wasn't there, if I could have possibly drowned in my own vomit and died... Because I was so haggard that night... I never want that to happen again but I find myself feeling sorrowful lately with no real cure.
I was debating on drinking but I don't want to be that person who drinks alone... especially after that one time I did. The mourning of AKA House... I was the last person in the house and it was so empty that I just drank all day... Geoffrey luckily saved me... I wonder sometimes, if he wasn't there, if I could have possibly drowned in my own vomit and died... Because I was so haggard that night... I never want that to happen again but I find myself feeling sorrowful lately with no real cure.
I miss drinking. When I drink with Tony it's not the same. I miss how I used to drink... but if that's the only way I can enjoy drinking then what does that say about me? Why am I so stupid that I can't figure out how to enjoy a drink and have a good time with my boyfriend? I don't know how to behave while drinking when I am with someone.
I miss Kaitlyn... I miss having friends. I have been trying to make some with people I work with but our schedules are so conflicting. My life lacks the social element I had when going to school. I miss booze, I miss parties, I miss getting dressed up, I miss so much. I feel like I am boring now. That there is no spark in me. When I asked customers what their new years plans were a few of them told me nothing because their old farts, they are just gonna hide out at home... what does that say about me? I am 23 and hiding out at home... Hiding from the other drunks...
I was gonna meet Tony at the station... but he thought it would be better if I stayed at home... Safe...
That is my life now. Safe. Boring. Lonely.
Lucky for me, there is no cola in the house and I am too much of a pussy to drink my liquor without mix...
I miss Kaitlyn... I miss having friends. I have been trying to make some with people I work with but our schedules are so conflicting. My life lacks the social element I had when going to school. I miss booze, I miss parties, I miss getting dressed up, I miss so much. I feel like I am boring now. That there is no spark in me. When I asked customers what their new years plans were a few of them told me nothing because their old farts, they are just gonna hide out at home... what does that say about me? I am 23 and hiding out at home... Hiding from the other drunks...
I was gonna meet Tony at the station... but he thought it would be better if I stayed at home... Safe...
That is my life now. Safe. Boring. Lonely.
Lucky for me, there is no cola in the house and I am too much of a pussy to drink my liquor without mix...
