No Mystical Design. No Cosmic Lover Preassigned.

Am I stuck? I feel stuck. Trapped. Lost. The only thing I have to cling to is Tony. Yet my thoughts still wander. Too scared and no means to just quit and try what I love. What if in doing so I have to leave the city. Am I comfortable enough in my relationship to just leave for a few months? Or less? I remember feeling hopeful. Not scared. I remember being excited. I want those feelings back. I want my innocence back. His picture made me cry.

It's all a learning experience, right? Everything in life is supposed to be a learning experience. Everytime you feel hurt. BAM! Learning experience.

It might be the ugly betty talking in me... But is it necessary.. to step out of your comfort zone in order to push yourself into taking a risk and doing what it is you want to do. you love to do. what you DREAM of doing?

So many things to think about.

April Showers.

April started off so amazing!

April 1st was my first concert.
April 1st was... MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was seriously one of the best things I have experienced! Matthew Bellamy rocked my face off. I wish I posted about it sooner. The entire setlist rocked. Matthew Bellamy blew my mind. I screamed so loud. I now understand why people go to concerts. However, I don't know if all concerts will make me feel this way or if it was because it was my favorite band. We shall find out soon. I am going to see Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper on May 1st for their gruesome twosome tour.

I had felt a bit weird after the concert. All I could listen to was Muse. I wanted to hear nothing else but Matthew Bellamy's crooning. Work, Life, Everything, none of it felt as amazing. I started feeling sad that nothing made me feel the way I felt as I did when I was moving to the music and singing along with Muse. The only thing I can honestly say gives me the same feeling.. is performing on stage. It's the only equivalent in my head.

Speaking of stage. I saw the Arts Club production of Billy Bishop Goes to War. It was great! I went because one of my new friends/co-worker's musical crush (from the Zolas) was in the performance. He did amazing. Through the entire show, despite it being just two males on stage. It made me miss being on stage myself. I wanted to place myself there under the lights... I feel more motivated then ever to get those friggin headshots printed and start applying myself. And if I can't apply myself then I am friggin' finding a scene study group or class... something.. ANYTHING to act in any form... I need it. I miss it.