Bottom Of My Pants Are Wet. Damn.

This morning (or early afternoon I should say!) I put in the effort to blow dry my hair and add volumizer. Thinking my hair looked that of a movie starlet, I happily left the house with Tony (after my freakout that I had no clothes, of course! lol) For once, it wasn't raining when I left the apartment, and when I looked towards downtown Vancouver, there was sunlight above it peeking through the clouds. Somehow, I knew this was fleeting... but somehow, to my amazement, it didn't rain at all while I was downtown (*note: I was only downtown for an hour and a half though*)

My mistake it would seem, was getting on the seabus to go back to North Shore.. Or maybe it was my luck? All I know is half way through my seabus ride, there was a huge flash over the downtown skyline. Grreeaaaat, lightning. I expected huge fat raindrops to be falling down at all angles when I got off the seabus only to find... nothing. No rain. I thank my lucky stars, and head up the hill home.

One drop.
Few more drops.
'Almost there, it's not too bad, maybe I can stop in for a slurpee'

Perhaps that was fate telling me that I am to stay away from slurpee. It's sad really, Me and the slurpee are star crossed lovers. Tragically thrown apart by mother nature. Or at least, Mother Nature is punishing me for getting a slurpee, because as soon as I came out of 7-11. It was pouring. The two minute walk to my apartment got me soaked. The rain drops kept getting fatter and fatter. I swear I got brain freeze from the rain and wind on my forehead rather than my slurpee. It was the kind of unsuspecting rainstorm that makes two past lovers rekindle their flame and have lots of good sex (if you don't get that movie reference, you have a penis.)

I sludged my way in my soaking wet clothes up the stairs to my apartment and inspect the damage to the hair I was so proud of in the morning. It's wet... but not so much that I look like the drowned rat... Just enough wetness that I looked like some sexy screen goddess, that somehow manages to look beautiful in a rainstorm. Or like I have been rolling around on a beach and my hair is wet from sea water (minus the sand).

Now I am going to sit and watch some Ugly Betty, while listening to the occasional thunder.

Cheers

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I transferred to a new store thinking I would be welcomed like I have been everywhere else I have worked. I was wrong. Very wrong. If I don't attempt to start small chit chat or anything of the like, there is complete silence on the floor. If I am off the floor, the girls won't stop gabbing away about their nights out downtown in their expensive dresses and gossiping about boys and mutual friends. I felt ultra shunned today. I walked out of the back room to overhear the girls talking about hours. As soon as I came out the conversation was done. To help anyone who may be reading this to understand what I am talking about.. I was told on my very first day in the store by another barista that people were probably not going to be nice to me. They don't want to like me. That in their eyes, I am stealing their hours.

After that I have heard from a couple other baristas that they need more hours.. I didn't intend to take hours from anyone. Nor do I believe I am, I am replacing a shift supervisor in their store. Not to mention, I understand the feeling of not having enough hours to pay rent and bills all too well. When I hear them gossiping about it from across the room, they make it sound like "So&So has rent to pay and she isnt getting enough hours" What do you want me to do? Give her my hours so I can't afford to live too? Why must you glare and stare at me when I try to talk?

Maybe this has been a good thing. Now I go to work to be at work, and I leave right away. No jokes, no chit chat, no lingering. Not even for a partner beverage. All I want is to get out of there. The only person who has made me feel completely welcome is the Manager.

**Sigh**

On another note: My current roommate might be leaving. It's beautiful isn't it? My luck with roommates. I believe I was the last to know that he was thinking of leaving. Granted, this time it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Refreshing. I don't know if I am happy or sad to hear this news. I mean, if he does leave. I will be moving in with Tony. I used to think there was a set time limit to how long you have been dating before you can move in together. But now I am stupidly in love and that logic is out the window. My mother thinks that if it's what we both want and we feel it's a natural next step then it should be okay.

But it frightens me. No, not because I am an only child or as my mother thinks I love my space. (I really need to talk to someone other than my mother about these things... lol) but this would be the first time I have ever lived with a boyfriend. What if I do things wrong? What if I don't give him enough space? What if my living habits drive him up the wall and vice versa?

I should stop worrying and keep faith. We already spend tons of time together and sure, we occasionally fight (mostly because I am being whiny) but for the most part. It seems good. It feels right. And I completely head over heels.

Okay... nap time now.

November is here and with it a feeling that I don't belong. I feel lost again. Everyone has their group or their couple close friends that they hang out with all the time... I don't have that. Is it foolish to watch shows like how I met your mother and wish I had a close group like that? Why do I always find myself on the outside of circles. I have been trying to think of ways that I might repel people... I can't figure it out..

I am lonely and don't get me wrong. I love spending time with Tony and he is always there for me.. But he can't always be the one I turn to. Hmm.. Maybe I am just thinking too much. I just feel cut off from so many people that I care about and I didn't realize it until halloween.. Dammit.  

life  is what you make of it right?