Wake Up, Wake Up, This is Heaven on Earth

I hate when I pass out earlier than him. I try so hard to stay awake... But to no avail.  When I wake up in a.m. after passing out the night before. I feel upset that I fell asleep... That I lost  time with him and I curse my body and its need for sleep. It's just silly to be upset over it I know.. But we make our plans for what we want to do and I can't stay awake long enough..  Perhaps this happens because I don't nap anymore. Whatever the reason I must find out and fix it. I don't like waking up this way.

You May Be a Sinner But Your Innocence is Mine

I am a nerd. 'why?' you may ask... I am blogging from my palm pre while on the bus. Technology is bad bad baaaaaaaad! I feel confused about my wants when it comes to work.. But if I get to transfer it will be such a good thing! Right? I think so, because finally Tony & I will get to do date ideas we have. We never have time for movies and the aquarium and going to see live bands play at some bar together because of our work schedules and having different days off. 


I am a little nervous at the moment though.. We have to spend a few weeks together due to my irksome roommate. I let Dave  have my room until she has cleared herself out and until she is out, I will be spending my nights at Tony's. Which is what is making me nervous. Will I be around too much? Maybe this will actually be a good learning experience for me.. to calm down and practise ''rational'' thinking!! Maybe this is where our different days off and work schedules will come in handy!

I feel content despite the nerves. I finally had my first slow dance! It was nice. I look forward to dancing close to him again. *hearts* I know it's silly  for me to  be so happy about a simple dance.. But it meant a lot to me.. Dancing with him under multi-coloured lights..  Close.. So close..

'they will see us waving from such great heights...'

It's Alright To Tell Me What You Think About Me

Sometimes I want revenge but I am reminded by a little voice in my head that I shouldn't bother. Be the "bigger man" and that Karma, will in fact one day bite them in the ass. However, being the impatient girl that I am, I cannot wait for Karma. I want to see results now. I am so sick of the two faced behavior that I find everywhere I go. Am I that bad? I mean naturally everyone is two faced BUT I am talking about the extreme cases... i.e. Someone who raves about how much they love you to your face and enjoy being around you but then can't wait to say bad things about you as soon as you turn your back. Even more of an extremity is when all I do is leave the room for one second and I can tell I am being bad-mouthed.

Today a blind man told me I had lousy customer service because I wouldn't give him the bathroom key (I was told never to give the bathroom key to anyone). Was I supposed to give him special treatment because he is blind? Maybe I am heartless? If I were blind maybe I would think I was lousy too. But he wasn't even a customer!!!! I think that's the thing that I dislike the most about the location I work at. It's not just customers, it's people constantly interrupting to ask where there is washrooms, it's people coming to me as if I know how to get to some place in Richmond or all the bus schedules. It says Coffee on my apron NOT transit/tourist info. I keep dreaming of working in a cafe store again and not a hole in the wall.. where people aren't constantly asking me for water/directions/a place to pee.

Sometimes I want to tell them it's in their pants. Other times I want to direct them to the east parking lot where everyone else seems to pee. Seriously, it reeks of urine out there ESPECIALLY on weekends.

Since I just complained enough, I suppose I should talk of happy thoughts. I think things are going well. I want it to work so bad. Though I suppose I have no control over it. I was watching the Newlywed Game and it amazed me that the woman on the show could be so calm about their husbands thinking that their breasts were too small, or their noses were tacky. Or knowing that their husband was attracted to one of their friends... I mean, I don't get it. Is that maturity? Am I really immature because I can't see myself being okay with those things. I mean... I don't want to know that the man I am with thinks my breasts are too small.. if he thought that.. why would he be with me? And I especially don't want to know his attraction to one of my friends!

I guess I still have some growing up to do... who am I kidding? I still have A LOT of growing up to do!!

Kiss Kiss Kiss Me!

I tend to over-react.

Is that an understatement or what?

Being aware of it is the first step towards fixing it right?

I will be turning 22 soon. I decided to go to the island where all my friends and family are. I am bring the boyface too. He amazes me everyday. Allow me to dweeb on for a moment. But he is so good to me. He makes me unbelievably happy. I just wish I didn't freak out so much.

I need to take time to draw back, focus my thoughts, and re-group then approach the situation.. Not just throw my emotions out there.

Just be patient with me. I am working on it ^_^

And You Don't Know What You've Done But I Will Give You A Clue

Hurt. Upset. Now turns to Anger. An inner rage. Keep it inside. No one wants to see the emotions in your eyes. Keep it inside or you will keep driving people away. Just feel cold. Just feel nothing. Seal the tears. Take everything you know yourself to be and seal it away. You are being forced to change. The situation has been turned around. Now you are looking like the bad guy. You are untrusting. You have no faith. It's always a problem with you isn't it?

But why is it your fault? The man said words that hurt. It hurt that the one you care about couldn't tell you that himself. Why did it have to come from someone else's mouth from his cell phone? Damn the man. Why did you have to get yelled at because someone hurt your feelings and you tried to explain?

Back to first person... I was being trusting! Trust is not the issue here. Why does it seem that I am the only person who isn't cool with people backing out on plans made. No! Before you say that me wanting you to come home to me isn't being trusting... well guess what. I don't want you to come home to me because I am scared you will go home with some bimbo. NO! That is not the case... I am wanting you to come home to me. Because you are going to be getting turned on looking at the girls shake their stuff at you. And because you will be getting all horny. I would love for you to take that energy and bring it home to me.

I am going to trust you when you say it's all his idea. And not trust or listen to what he said. But if you actually wanted to, why can't you say so yourself? I don't like my plans getting snubbed for something else..

I wish people could spend a day in my head. To feel as I do... then.. and only then do you have the right to tell me to change how I feel.


I don't like being made out to be the bad guy... the bitchy girlfriend... so not cool.