All Hallow's Eve

Happy Halloween 2009!!

Unfortunately, I will not be getting the chance to dress up again this year. Last year I moved on Halloween, this year I am aiding my boyfriend in preventing a party at his place. Does this make me boring? One of my coworkers sure made me feel so. But granted, I partied hard in college.. shouldn't I slow down now? A part of me wants to slow down but there is still a part of me that wants to grab the bottle of rum and drink her face off. Is it wrong to miss the happy buzzed feeling that overwhelms the system? Is it a bad thing to crave that feeling again?

Dare I say it... I miss AKA House... I miss so much. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with how things are going with Tony but I miss being close to my friends on the island. I miss Kaitlyn, I miss Alleah, I miss Steph... I actually miss the "acquaintances" from the theatre program. I even feel I am missing friends here on the mainland.. I miss Christy. I haven't seen her in like a month.... longer... I haven't seen her since before our birthdays.

As much as I hated school. I miss seeing friends on a daily basis. Now my world is filled with acquaintances. I feel so far from everyone... it makes me feel so thankful to have Tony so close to me and willing to spend his time with me. I am so appreciative of everything he has brought to my life.

Speaking of the boyface. I need to go pick him up at the Quay now! Cheers!!

Amber Rambles On..

and yet, I can't help but wonder...

Life felt decent today. I went through the work day just fine with a smile on my face. If I do get to transfer I will miss some of the partners I have worked with. But for the most part, I will be happy to leave that location. *Keeps fingers crossed* It will be weird not going downtown nearly everyday when I do :(

Out with the old and in with the new roommate. So far, living with Dave has been pretty lax. Tony actually enjoys coming over now and I don't live in some crazed fear of running into her or having her know I am even home. I felt bad for Dave, he had to a few weeks around her. I think he tried to do exactly as I did. Hide. *shrugs* But now she has gone to Winnipeg or some other boring place.

If anyone still reads my blog anymore... I am going to tell you to check out thisman.org I find it fascinating. I have never seen him in my dreams but it doesn't mean no one else has. I thought some of you might find it interesting especially Alleah! Anyways, I guess I am rambling and nothing I am saying is really a feast for the mind. (Is it ever?)

Cheers for now.

amber thoughts

Sometimes all I can ask myself is: what the hell is wrong with me? I honestly feel that I might be horribly unbalanced in the head. Which leads me to the question of why do I lash out with emotion? Why can't I just hold back?

Currently, I am scared. What's new about that, right?  But how can I stop this feeling.. The thought of Him letting her back into his life... It makes me queasy.. However, this could be an Amber over-reaction which seems to happen often in my life. It seems the harder I fall for Him the more scared and vulnerable I feel. I am sure when I see him next he will tell me different than what my  mind is hissing at me.

being in love has got to be the most frightening thing in the world... I feel as vulnerable as a little animal with no way to defend myself. I wonder, always wondering, what does He think? Does he feel as vulnerable as me? How does He feel?

I wish my mind would just shut up... So I can nap...