It's for the best
It is for the best..
It is for the best..
No matter how many times I say it, the ache remains. My brain knows it's for the best, my brain wanted it to happen for awhile now. My heart wasn't ready. I feel emotionally raw. I really hate how puffy eyes get when crying. I have been crying for a good few hours now. Eventually the tears have to stop and dry out.
I tried to sleep, but I can't... too many thoughts circling around.
I used to think that while I was with him. I could die at any time, and at least I will have been loved. But then I started to grow unsure of his feelings.. and now I am alone. So now, If I die... who is there? Well that's silly. There is family and friends... but I yearn for more. I yearn for that wonderful thing we call love.
On the logical bright side, this frees me to go out with whomever I want (meaning I can hang out with guy friends again), frees my friends from judgement, allows me to focus on my chosen career path, and find someone: who likes me to sing, tells me I am beautiful, likes my hats and style, can tell me imaginative bedtime stories, to love me unconditionally... to need me in their life... I don't think that's asking much?
I tried to sleep, but I can't... too many thoughts circling around.
I used to think that while I was with him. I could die at any time, and at least I will have been loved. But then I started to grow unsure of his feelings.. and now I am alone. So now, If I die... who is there? Well that's silly. There is family and friends... but I yearn for more. I yearn for that wonderful thing we call love.
On the logical bright side, this frees me to go out with whomever I want (meaning I can hang out with guy friends again), frees my friends from judgement, allows me to focus on my chosen career path, and find someone: who likes me to sing, tells me I am beautiful, likes my hats and style, can tell me imaginative bedtime stories, to love me unconditionally... to need me in their life... I don't think that's asking much?
But why with all these happy thoughts of finding the one who was made for me.... why do I still feel the pain? Why do I still cry?
I find myself impatient now to rid myself of potential tear triggers: his suitcase which I used to help move most of my clothes (it's huge!), his spare deodorant, gel and hairbrush, toothbrush left at my place for overnight visits... and mostly, his cinnamon rub. And that shoe box... full of nonsense tickets and tokens. Knick Knacks... stupid Speed Racer car.
I know I am awesome. I know I am amazing, it hurts that even knowing this, His choice is still another city and other people. I am not good enough for him or is he not good enough for me. At this point in time. I cannot remember which way it goes.
This is what I wanted
This is what I wanted
This is what I wanted...
I find myself impatient now to rid myself of potential tear triggers: his suitcase which I used to help move most of my clothes (it's huge!), his spare deodorant, gel and hairbrush, toothbrush left at my place for overnight visits... and mostly, his cinnamon rub. And that shoe box... full of nonsense tickets and tokens. Knick Knacks... stupid Speed Racer car.
I know I am awesome. I know I am amazing, it hurts that even knowing this, His choice is still another city and other people. I am not good enough for him or is he not good enough for me. At this point in time. I cannot remember which way it goes.
This is what I wanted
This is what I wanted
This is what I wanted...
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